"Research shows that people who have more social resources, and more people to talk to about various issues in their lives, do better in marriage. So in what areas do we want to invest with our partners, and in which areas do we need to invest in ourselves and our personal networks?"
Source: From Esther Perel's blog post https://estherperel.com/blog/why-modern-love-is-so-damn-hard
"Couples find themselves in reactive cycles that are escalating and taking up more space in their relationship."
"We act in ways to protect the self and in my view, a large part of therapy is to actually look at those strategies and begin to question and modify them...to disarm their survival strategies, to put down their shields and talk in more direct and genuine ways about their fears, needs, and yearnings..."
"...becoming intentional in the ways that we relate to our partner and not always relating in automatic ways...helping couples move from reactivity to reflection."
Source: Michele Scheinkman discussing The Vulnerability Cycle on The Ackerman Podcast
"When people talk about their fears, often they're really pondering their values"
"Infidelity doesn't necessarily point to flaws in the relationship. Such partners see the affair as less a statement about the marriage than a statement about themselves. When we seek the gaze of another, it isn't always our partner we're turning away from, but the person we ourselves have become."
"I believe that genuine trust rests on our ability to tolerate what we don't know about the other, and as long as we're driven to uncover every detail, we can't trust."
"Most of us in the West today will have two or three marriages or committed relationships in our lifetime. For those daring enough to try, they may find themselves having all of them with the same person. An affair may spell the end of a first marriage, as well as the beginning of a new one."
Source: "After The Storm" by Esther Perel (2010)
I love to read and I am often moved by the words and insights of others. Here is a collection of thoughts, reflections, and ideas that resonate with me and inform my therapy work.